Bitter

I thought I understood the idea of it, but fact that I can't stop questioning why only shows how  arrogant I was. no idea at all. in fact, life is no fantasy, no happy ending, no sweet coincidence. it is just pretty much about persisting in pain. how to stay fighting for the idea of happiness, how to stay sweet in the middle bitterness, how to stay alive in the middle of dead hearts. it is so funny. life's funny. I can tell how huge its sense of humor is. at some point, when I felt like I had everything I need, that I couldn't ask for more because I was so content, the lightning stroke and it was empty again. I was working against the gravity and then it pulled me down to the ground. I was standing on a solid ground, and then my ground collapsed. 


I really have no idea to where this wave will bring me. it might be another pain, or a happily ever after, or just another brief moment of relief. it can be everything, possibilities are infinite. but, at this very moment, I only feel bitter. 
my definition of life, is wasted.

these keep bugging my mind these days

1. how do we not see our limitation as an obstacle, a hurdle? since it does limit us to do everything. constraint, barrier function, things we cannot pass because of its feasibility. 
2. I really really really really really (-infinite really) want those things. so much I dare to say now I have things to die for. but damn it. bounded. this is the time when I feel like so little even my determination gets smaller and gone. I can't escape this jail.
3. now how can we work it out. the circles in the diagram venn of things I want to do and my capability of work are like.. never intersect each other.  if they were curves, they were like asymptote. if they were magnetic poles, they were like two of one-kind of poles. t
4. where the hell r u girl. 17 y/o me.
5. last, why do I always write when I should be studying for exams. guess I just looked for an excuse not to face the books :p but well, these things keep shadowing me. 

never mind. these all are just rhetorical questions. the answers perhaps still lie somewhere within my self.

so.... someday, somehow..

Tweeny Twenty

5th birthday of a twenty y/o girl.. weird. 

and weirdly it went weird and so so too.