What I've been passionately reading lately..

..recommended. EPIC.

waddap world?

what has happened to me these couple of weeks is a total mess.
let's begin a brand new spirit of life! (cheering up)

a Letter to God

for all these weeks, everytime it happened I just wondered whether I could make it or not. and I'm still in the positive mind. I think that I could try to work it out later.
but now, when it keeps happening, I start to feel like, God try to show me the way and I'm too ignorant to realize, that.. I.. can't.. ever.. make it. sadly.

so Dear God,
please stop this feeling and give me Your Blessing Hand to raise me upon your shoulder..
strengthen my heart and show me the best way for me.
I always know You have given me the best cue,
and all I need to do is just keep seeking in Your Name,
I surrender to Your Hand, Father, as always....Amen.

Silent Scream

when you try your best but you don't succeed

I took a deep breath. but my world was falling. this headache attacked too sudden that I cant stand of. I got a sudden pain and felt so breathless. thus, my eyes kept capturing view all around me. people smiled, people laughed. it seemed everything was too easy to everyone and I was the only one loser. they smiled, they laughed. they deserved it all. they were not dumb. even if they were dumb, I was the dumber. I smiled, I laughed. a loser should make a fake smile to survive the world.my pride was still too high that I tried to stand on my dignity. maybe I looked fine. bcs I wont let people figure out that, I failed, and I failed. and I failed whereas everybody else could make it.
nobody could see me falling inside. nobody could see a sinking ship in me nobody could see..............
but I just can't endure everything and keep smiling. I'm not a wonder woman. I need to hit something, hit something so hard until could make that something feel the same pain as I had I need to jump, jump so high that I could see the whole world, get higher sight than everybody else could see. I need to cry, cry so hard until my tears all gone and I couldn't feel any pain again. I need to scream, scream so loud so that I could throw all my deep sadness that I've been keeping inside these days. scream and asking why

and Coldplay told me to fix me instead of fix you

When you try your best but you don't succeed

in this corner, I finally gave up of standing. losing my pride and my dignity. I down to earth, and realized all my fault, and I surrender to everything,

Lights will guide you home//and ignite your bones//and I will try to fix you

this is the roller coaster of my life. and this is the part of my life I called 'falling'. but I'm sure at the other time, someday, I will heave a part that I called, 'raising'.
raise and fall.