last August turned out to be one hell of a month. it's like life is supposed to be ups and downs, but these months it was all about the 'downs'. both literal and metaphorical meanings. joyless. dark. sunshine is too busy to say hello. why? oh everyone knows. perhaps everyone, either friends on twitter or blackberry messenger, can't help but wondering why I'm sick again and again. I've been absent for a while. been hospitalized twice in a month and having bed rest for a month. I missed so many moments, opportunities, plans, holiday plans.. kept everyone bothered and in trouble.
they say 'after falling down, go up even higher', but that aint effin easy. I lose my grip. every values of life I always looked up to, things I used to like, courage I used to have, definition of life, they're all gone. I am not me. I lose my self. and can't be that person anymore. but I didn't lose my sanity, my mind, and my feelings. I'm not crazy so I need a physiologic consult. you don't get to judge me, my sickness, my mind, questioning my sanity. I'm not a freak who can freak out anytime. I'm lost. not confused. I just don't know what to do, what's next, where to go, how, and why. I lose my direction.
but people, people can't stop judging. even your closest people do. what hurts the most is, when they start to treat you based on their own judgments. without ever knowing what is going on. everyone has a problem. I knew that. I'm not stupid. but at some point, a little understanding would be nice. I'm not a robot. and if people want me to be one.. idk.
I had enough.
they say 'after falling down, go up even higher', but that aint effin easy. I lose my grip. every values of life I always looked up to, things I used to like, courage I used to have, definition of life, they're all gone. I am not me. I lose my self. and can't be that person anymore. but I didn't lose my sanity, my mind, and my feelings. I'm not crazy so I need a physiologic consult. you don't get to judge me, my sickness, my mind, questioning my sanity. I'm not a freak who can freak out anytime. I'm lost. not confused. I just don't know what to do, what's next, where to go, how, and why. I lose my direction.
but people, people can't stop judging. even your closest people do. what hurts the most is, when they start to treat you based on their own judgments. without ever knowing what is going on. everyone has a problem. I knew that. I'm not stupid. but at some point, a little understanding would be nice. I'm not a robot. and if people want me to be one.. idk.
I had enough.
