relationships get messy sometimes.
when people say 'you cant help who you fall in love with' I always find my self subconsciously snorting quietly to the speaker –more often than not indirectly because you know living in the internet era and 'people saying' is more like 'people writing'– and most of the time I let my self to add an eyes-rolling or two evidently to advertise my refusal to acknowledge the argument. like, honestly? to me that statement sounds like a classic overly-romantic-fiction induced cliché to use as an excuse we tell each other when we fall in love with someone. so that we can freely fall in love with anyone without holding any responsibility towards whoever they are. sort of a way to rid the guilt away once the situation gets uncontrollably messed up (which is most of the time).
when people say 'you cant help who you fall in love with' I always find my self subconsciously snorting quietly to the speaker –more often than not indirectly because you know living in the internet era and 'people saying' is more like 'people writing'– and most of the time I let my self to add an eyes-rolling or two evidently to advertise my refusal to acknowledge the argument. like, honestly? to me that statement sounds like a classic overly-romantic-fiction induced cliché to use as an excuse we tell each other when we fall in love with someone. so that we can freely fall in love with anyone without holding any responsibility towards whoever they are. sort of a way to rid the guilt away once the situation gets uncontrollably messed up (which is most of the time).
relationships do fail at times, everyone knows this. chances are small for two people to meet and right away suit each other perfectly and be soulmate. it's not impossible, but really, how often do you stumble upon such fairytale-like story of two people? relationships get messy, at worst it wont work. that's how life works. heartbreaking as it is, when or if it happens, you do need some kind of excuse to pick yourself up and start all over again. putting blames on others and make yourself feel better, alright. so you use it, quote unquote 'you cant help who you fall in love with'. ta-da. you feel a lot better.
here's a twist, actually YOU CAN.
of course you can help who you fall in love with.
falling in love is not something that happens in three seconds – note that i'm no expert, but here we go my very best attempt to grasp 'love' by its definition – it is a string of encounters and engagements. a process of getting to know each other better. people don't meet others and claim to love them in a short period of time. to love requires more than a mere desire, it is no ideal type and preference. it involves a whole other level of complicated emotions and feelings logic fails to approach. isnt it getting heavier to said 'i love you' out loud as we get older? as if the more we learn about being in and out of love, the more we value those words carefully in order not to hurt others and get hurt in return. it calls for vulnerability, to willingly let each other's selves exposed. falling in love charges within time and efforts.
nonetheless, like everything else, love begins with something. like inexplicable chemistry-induced fascination, odd sudden interest that tickles your curiosity, baffling gravitation pulling towards you into this certain someone, attraction. love begins with simply attraction. people attract and get attracted to each other. unlike love, attraction works in much simpler ways. it's no complicated, no extra baggage tagged along, and easy. you get to feel it to several people with no strings attached. it's common, and human. the best thing is, you get to decide into what kind of emotion this simple attraction grow into. is this going to be only a crush? a mere infatuation? or you're willing to put effort to let love blossom from this? it's your say. it's your choice.
so we get to choose who we fall in love with attraction. it's attraction that we can't help having towards. we cannot choose the object of our attraction and that happens naturally multiple times. it's one of the constant occurrences throughout the life. Part of human nature to attract and vice versa.
and love is not a mere attraction, it's the next level. it's affection. and attraction doesn't go to affection with mere seconds. we get attracted in short period. but to fall in love we need to let the affection grow. it takes longer. it is by chance. it is by efforts.
so yes, we can help and do have a say with who we fall in love with.
that's the idea.
and that's easy to say. but that's one concept of love i hold dear currently, while i'm in a crazy twenty-something-lady hunt of love. trust me, it's a crazy world out here for single ladies. all those sorts of thought though, does not come out of the blue in one day. it's quite a train of bad and good experiences coming alternately. sure I was once part of the love-whoever-you-want team in spirit of carpe diem, seize your day, or well the infamous YOLO. nothing sorts of amuse me more than seeing two people around me falling in love and all the magic all over them. drunk with the concept of falling in love itself. it led me to a tendency of romanticizing almost everything. got myself in and out relationship quite a handful times, not something im proud of.
and then, at some point, reality bit me. it bit me hard i turned from a romantic into this skeptical person with trust issue. but this is the part of the lesson i picked up the hard way throughout my coming of age years – that relationships dont always work. it's not anyone's faults, but make sure you pick up the lessons well. now i know to be in a relationship is not all rainbow and candy. it's easy for people in relationships to hurt each other. it's easy to leave one another. like for example, using the excuse of you cant help who you fall in love with' when the so called 'love' fade, or you might find someone more attractive? attraction happens all the time, but isnt it your choice to decide what youre gonna do with that? i might be one of those people who really dont appreciate infidelity at any level. I kinda feel this deep, inexplicable bitterness in every sense of it, which I don't even know which one is worse, be it intentionally, unintentionally, physically, mentally, or emotionally, it's all cheating. none makes the pain hurt any less for any receiving ends. any. it is one of the worst yet easiest form of betrayal a human can do. easiest because we do it to our closest people. worst because we do it to our closest people.
oh well, i rant. but still, my point is, ‘you cant help who you fall in love with‘? oh please stop with the excuse, you can. choose one of many you're attracted to and go with it.
“to fall in love is not by choice, it is by chance.
to fall out of love is not by chance, it is by choice.“
so if you already have someone you're in love with who fits you right, it's your choice whether to stay in love or to fall out of it. it's not gonna be a small work, but trust me, it's probably gonna be the most rewarding work in your life.
/p.s:
in the picture above is this temporary tattoo i put on my ankle 2 days ago. indeed the best is yet to come or let me put this way, ehm, it's on the way.
/p.p.s:
it's not only about love tho.
