( 七転び八起き )
"Fall down 7 times, get up 8."
Most of people who are close to me knows I was kinda sickly when I was a kid. stomach stuff. but it never really bothered my life that much. I lived quite normal in my teenage years, a form of memory I still cherish so much to this day. But years come by and things that I used to bear easily have become harder, almost unbearable each day. These 4 years are the worst. Questions and doubts popping out in my mind everytime i'm sick, it hits hard, frequently, intensely. I didn't see it coming, but being sick almost everyday, everynight, this wears me off. There's a constant underlying fear creeping out that turned me into a hollow. Things got far more destructive, I fell deep into the mess of physical and mental pain. For the first time, it's not only my body that's sick. My mind as well.
Now the damage is done, the aftermath is still creeping around like it'll never be gone.
I'm so
so
damn tired.
So close to give up at this point.
I'm so done with this.
so
fucking done.
This Japanese proverb saying "fall down 7 times and get up 8" hits too close to home for me. I thought about giving up so many times, but remembering the faces of people who actually loves me and there all along pushes me much further. It might be my problem, lifelong problem, but I only need a way to deal with this, and life will be much easier.
Thank you, for the supports, for the loves, for the faith you all put in me.
I never knew before that love is the only constant drug I need to recover.
Thank you.
(This is gonna be a long process.)
(Thank you for sticking around anyway.)
