Please

"whenever you're having a bad day, 

just remember that I love you, 

and you can always talk to me anytime, 

even it's 3 AM and we have school the next day."

-capt

The Left Out Passion

Lately I just had this conversation about totality on something you're interested in. idk, this talk kinda got me thinking a lot. looking around and boom! eyes widely opened. people around me are doing their passion and where do I end up? ordinary. simply an ordinary student who spend most of days studying and being home. plain and I don't want to go plain. I realized how wasteful my time was. there are really a LOT of things I really love in this world. things and activities. and at this very moment, pathetically I'm doing none of those. if only.

and these, these all were my passions.


ONE.

people who have known me since I was a kid absolutely know how I was into this activity very well. dancing. it's kinda a big part of my life. I've been doing this since I was in kindergarten. followed some championships and got used to perform on stages. in junior high, started to do cheerleaders. yelling, bouncing, jumping, lifting people, gymnastic.. then back to modern dance in high school.  it's just sad to remember how passionate I was before. now that 2 years has gone since I quitted --hate to admit this-- I miss it. I miss the spirit, the beat, the music, the excitement, the thrill, the steps, the euphoria, I miss the dance.

TWO.

Piano, sheets, notes, and tuts were my very best friends. however, having piano course since I was 8 made me hate piano at first. I saw piano practices as a burden and kept wondering why I should have this boring practice while my other friends shouldn't. it turned out that when I was in junior high, all the negative judgements about piano and music was gone. I started to love music, classical and jazz especially. happily had piano practice everyday, had some concerts, and so on. but then formal education forced me to choose between school and piano in high school,.and I chose school. leaving my passion in playing the piano in vain.


THREE.

thinking 'are you kidding? photography? seriously'? I'm totally not. I probably am not really good at this, a very amateur moment-capturer, but once back then, I was really into camera and photos editing. like totally. I really fell in love with the idea of immortalizing the moment, the images which our eyes can't catch. moments we want to crystalize, to symbolize as the witness that we were ever there at those beautiful moments.. however, it's been long since I rolled into camera, and it'll be such a waste of your time to visit my lame old deviant art by clicking this. same old shit. anyway, I left my camera in Jkt and recently lust over a pocket one. let's save some money then... (crossing fingers for cents raining)



writing, movies, books, fashion, cooking, design, and so on, and so forth... hmmh passion.
images courtesy

"Doing what you like is freedom,

but liking what you do is happiness." -anonymous 

Roses Blanche

I just never realized how beautiful a white rose is before, until now.

A Coffee Taste

Now here it comes

You complain again

Complain about everything

It’s driving me mad

Now look at you

Wearing that shirt again

Dont you realize how ugly that thing is

But even so

I love you anyway

No matter how things have gone

You always have me

Mocca.

Counting On and On

I'm waiting.

waiting for someone I've been longing for along this year. He's coming back to Jakarta this afternoon and I can't wait to see him and have a serious talk about this. this, is something I can't deny, that there's something inside of me that keeps growing these few weeks.. something I haven't felt these couple of years. I start to feel changes all over me, even the littlest ones. how constantly the last thing I remember before I sleep and the first thing that show up in my mind after I wake up everyday is him. can't help not to mention his name in every conversation I have with people around me. things that automatically come up when I think of him. things I start to love about him. the way he makes me feel. the warmth  he brought to me when we're drowned in our conversations. Smiles I can't help to make every time I read his texts. the way way he closes my day by simply saying good night which sometimes could vanish my drowsiness and make me wide awake all night, but still, wake up next morning with a tummy full of butterflies. the way he calls my name. it's so funny how often he changes my nicks. his voice. his lovely voice which could make brain freeze for me when he calls my name. the way he talks. the way he laughs. the way he makes me laugh especially in phone calls. our midnite phone calls. our dawn phone calls. our all nite long phone calls. morning calls. all the phone calls. I could stay up until morning even though I had something to do in the morning just to hear his voice longer. the way he convinces me when I start not to believe in him. the look in his eyes. his smile. his style. his silly and annoying jokes. his perspective. his critical mind. his presence. him. 

I'm waiting for him.

I wrote this paragraph exactly a month ago. funny is, few hours after finishing this post, the character 'him' eventually took the big part of my life, just like that. boom. been a month, and it was very pleasant month, and I know that he and I still have other good months following up hopefully.
happy 4th day of the month. 

I’m 18 but I act 15

[ ] You know how to make a pot of coffee
[ ] You keep track of dates using a calendar
[ ] You own a credit card
[ ] You know how to change the oil in a car
[ x ] You’ve done your own laundry
[ x ] You can vote in an election
[ x ] You can cook for yourself
[ x ] You think politics are interesting
TOTAL SO FAR : 4
[ x ] You show up for school late a lot
[ ] You always carry a pen/pencil in your bag/purse/pocket
[ ] You’ve never gotten a detention
[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday
[ x ] You like to take walks by yourself
[ ] You know what credibility means, without looking it up
[ ] You drink caffeine at least once a week
TOTAL SO FAR: 6
[ x ] You know how to do the dishes
[ x ] You can count to 10 in another language
[ ] When you say you’re going to do something you do it
[ ] You can mow the lawn
[ ] You study even when you don’t have to
[ ] You have hand washed a car before
TOTAL SO FAR: 8
[ x ] You can spell experience, without looking it up
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name
[ ] Your favorite kind of food is take out
[ x ] You can go to the store without getting something you don’t need
[ ] You understand political jokes the first time they are said
[ ] You can type pretty quick
TOTAL SO FAR: 10
[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment
[ ] You have been to a Tupperware party
[ ] You have realized that practically no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[ ] You have more bills than you can pay
[ x ] You have been to the beach
[ x ] You use the internet every day
[ x ] You have travelled overseas for more than 5 times
[ x ] You make your bed in the morning
[ x ] You realised people of the opposite gender might just make better friends.
GRAND TOTAL: 15
Repost this with the subject as: I’m (how old you are) but I act (what you got on the test).

Exceptional

maybe today everything seems so perfect. too perfect that makes you want to hold every moments, crystalize them, put it into a jar and won't ever let it go. it eventually became a habit. so addictive. but then, the more we get higher, the bigger worries comes up. life... is a damn roller coaster. we'll never know to where the future will bring us....

"I don't want to make this so beautiful only at first, and end up miserably; you love me, then you don't.."
"we won't. we'll take this as we're building a home"
"are we drunk? because you know, somehow when you're drunk you have to get ready to get hangover"
"we're not drunk. I assure you. at least I'm not. I love you. let's build this home together"
"don't fade away, this feeling"
"it won't." 

....but as for this one, for the very first time, I want to believe that the future is ours.
this is an exception.

Meilleur Ami

what do you really get in your mind when hearing the words 'best friend'? first people that pop up in your mind must be your closest friends, at this moment. but here's the ugly truth. friends come and go.... even best friends do. as we grow older, we grow apart. our perspectives always change. communication doesn't work the way it used to be. meeting new cooler people. leaving old friends behind. total strangers become friends, while friends turn out to be strangers.. it brings a bunch of question marks to me. but somehow, the reason why friends come and go lies within the mysterious ways of how the whole world work together at the same time. and as mere human, we live to accept things that are brought to us, just like that. that's why.... to some irrational questions, we'll never find out the answers.

and yeah, friends. it's just me or it is true that people find it difficult to get a reliable friend nowadays? it's not about the sociality and so on, it's just a simple thought trying to define the real friendship. don't get me wrong. I have many wonderful and kind hearted friends all around me. it's just... as I've said before, another random thought. and anyway, without trying to sound too demanding here, to find friends and listen to their daily stories is easy, but to find friends who truly care enough just to listen to your grievances? it's totally another story. difficult, it is, but still difficult is not impossible. so, to those who already find best friends, what a precious, a priceless treasure you have.

kay I'm done blabbering. never mind craps I wrote above. my point is, I miss some friends of mine who used to be close to me. and in anyhow I couldn't find a way to reach some of them.. that's...just....sad. but  yeah, life goes on. people come and go, and no matter how cliche it is, that's just how the whole universe works together.

pour le moment, suffit de maintenir a ce moment. apprecier la vie et l'amour meilleurs amis..
c'est la vie. c'est la vie.

Mid Year Target

wish me tons of luck.
or
yeah
at least
a simple
good luck.
it would
mean
a lot
for
me.
:)

Special

recently, the 2011 version of me loves some new things. some things I'd directly refuse if you ask me to back in the 2010. Traveling around Jakarta on weekdays, biggie rings, culinary, staying up until dawn, Bruno Mars's songs, romance movies, cycling, phone calls on Skype, number 4, and him. wait...no, no 'him' couldn't be included. he's not just a thing anyway. for me now..... he represents more than just a thing. (oh crap. I'm so bad in making sweet words and this paragraph starts to sound cheesy haha sorry)

yupe. I'm now off the market. a new beginning, a new empty book to be filled in by new story of boy and girl. but for this one, I constantly wish that this won't be just another story. and also I hope he doesn't just count me as another number. it's special. because as for me, I never fought this far before just to be with someone. and yeah, I've found that to be with him is something I couldn't ask more.

I'm officially in love.

p.s: I know you gotta read this and you'll mock me after.. but you know what? I don't care. even I know that stuff I still finished this post for you. hehe
p.p.s: trust me.

Reflection and Resolution

(source)

2011 is just around the corner.. what a surprise. does time fly that fast? sometimes I feel like losing the track of time because time itself goes by faster than me myself runnin in this life. almost 19 years me living this world, 2010 is the quickest year so far. 2009 feels like yesterday just yet. and everything that had happened in 2010 is rolled and played in my mind just like a movie. so quick, yet so much happened.

I still remembered my new year wish for 2010. as you can see, twas my tweet last year, an innocent me wishing something special happens in 2010.. and well. 2010 was thankfully full of miracles. especially college, health, family, friends, and... love. despite getting another failed relationship and heartbroken(s) this year, I still got some lessons to be learnt.


earlier this year was full of struggling. my dad got sick, I was so weak and easy to get sick too, the struggles to get accepted in my dream institute, friendship drama, love drama, farewell to high school. whoa what a year. then just like miracle, thankfully in the mid year all of that struggling was finally paid off. my dad got his health back, I got accepted in the institute and so on. then, having a new life in Bandung, experience living outside home and being distant from parents. how to deal with changes and new environments. knowing the real definition of adaptation........ also lately I've met some new(cool and uncool) people. most of them hasn't taken any big part of my life so far, but some done just totally. and yeah, now I thankfully so enjoy my life. the point is, 2010 was full of hellos and also goodbyes. that's how it was for me.

moving on, now what is up with 2011?
my 2011 resolution is maybe no making any resolution. the whole concept of making a to-do list for a year is just not working on me, haha seriously. but I could make a wish list for 2011. a very long wish list which starts with education.

• passing TPB without failing any subjects
• majoring Industrial Engineering 2010
• health health health no more hospitals medicines and emergency rooms
• brother getting into Science class, sister finishing her studies well
• d..riving...license (which has been on my list for two years)
• a beach getaway
• more live music concerts (don't mention Maroon 5)
• last 10's birthday dinner with close people (please? before turning 20's?)
• a bicycle! to make 2011-me more healthy........and skinny
• and perhaps...... a mature, stable, long term, love relationship

if I write it down all maybe it will take lifetime just to finish the list. 

well that's it. 

so long 2010, welcome 2011. 

wishing all the better things in 2011. happy eleven!

If I Fell

If I fell in love with you

would you promise to be true?

and help me understand

cos I've been in love before

and I've found that love was more than just holding hands

if I give my heart to you

I must be sure from the very start

that you would love me more than her

if I trust in you oh please don't run and hide

if I love you too

oh please don't hurt my pride like her

cos I couldn't stand the pain

and I would be sad if our new love was in vain

so I hope you see

that I would love to love you...

(originally sung by The Beatles, in this video performed by Evan Rachel Wood)

Men Are So Hard to be Trusted

it's like they have the ability of faking the whole relationship, making the women falling in love with them, and leaving just like that. you know what's the problem here? their dignity and pride always comes first, right before their hearts.

Dear Santa

busy there? hm okay.. I shud've even asked. it's Christmas weeks, you're probably getting turned upside down by the uncountable letters sent to you every single day from people all over the world. it's just... it's been my tradition to write my christmas list every year to you, and now I've already turned 18 I still can't help to make another list. is this what other people usually call juvenile or childish? or maybe it's just my way to figure out things about what I want and what I need? oh well who cares anyway. I'll still keep on writing and finish this list for you.

...and yeah. it took so long time to get here from the first paragraph. so many things happened this year... whether it's a good thing or bad. it's still fresh on my mind how I kept bugging you last christmas with the college thingy wishes. how I wished to get accepted in my dream institute of technology, and graduate from senior high with, not best, not great, but just fine score, and that was pretty enough for me. and yeah everything went well after that. but for this Christmas, to be honest I've been longing to so many things. education, health, family, friends, and even love. but then it came up to my mind, that those so many wishes have a same outline. by sorting out things on its priority, they all basically have the same purpose.

bottomline, all I want for Christmas is.....happiness.
my parents, sister, brother, and friends to be simply happy. and if you ask me "is that it?', I'll answer it with "that's everything."

sincerely,
me.

Giddy-yap giddy-yap giddy-yap

IT'S XMAS WEEKS!

how I love Christmas and everything about Christmas.
songs, movies, decoration, and especially the atmosphere.
so let's decorate our house, put the xmas tree, and set our song playlists with Christmas songs. (recommending you the Glee Christmas Album!)


deck the rooftop, IT'S CHRISTMAAAS!