Good bye Summer

September is around the corner already, which means 7th semester is gearing to start. Having days off since may 20ish that made my summer break was exactly 3 months long. it is long.. and I can't recall day by day how it's spent, but overall, it's spent well I guess.

let's not fear this upcoming last year of college and try to embrace it with... um.. hmm, smile? eh.

story box - 1

confession of the day:
I've been spending an awful time writing random things these days. since my internship's over and college hasn't started yet, I have particularly so much time to spare. and there's a writing I've been wanting to post here, but it is so freaking long...and I've just posted similar post here. I really need to reconsider having another blog to post these random writing of mine.

anyways, well, here it is.


Kanon (Her Perspective)

//a theme that is repeated and imitated 

//with a time delay, 

//creating a layered effect

What is up

been busy with life lately.

been reading good books a lot. listening to rather good music. meeting new and interesting people. that automatically made: been making friends too. been to new places with fun companies. tasting new and authentic foods. taking a lot of photographs. gaining weight (finally). taking care of troubled skin. shopping new clothes and putting away the old worn out ones. collecting new kind of accessories. been learning a lot especially about life behind school walls. and also about life itself of course.

been busy giving abundant love to loved people around.
been busy appreciating every waking moment, filling life with meanings.
been busy arranging and fixing things up.

been busy standing up on my own feet. which is now I am.

been wearing sincere smile, like a lot.

been happy.

:)

Loss

I always see uncertainty in life is something most people have to get along with on daily basis. like, in life, I can't be too sure about how things going to end up. in the general picture, everyone already knows how life is supposed to be. born. schools. works. married. giving births. parenting. getting old. and die. text book. little thing I know, those all general steps in life can be skipped except born and die. two most certain things in life behind all those uncertainties. inevitable steps every living human is going to take sooner or longer. the consequence of being born. death.

my uncle passed away last week. my mother's elder brother. 

even though I was never close to him personally, he's one of our very close relatives so his death really brought something new to me. that slapped me hard. as I watched my mother crying on car after hearing the news, I couldn't help wondering how big the loss my mom felt then. it took my breath away and left me wordless so instead of saying something I only hugged her all the way home. not even my tough father saying a word until we reached home. for my parents who I always look up to as the toughest and strongest people to finally break down, that, pained me, words couldn't even begin to describe it.

but after the painful ride home, my parents went out again right away to send off my uncle in a small ceremony in the middle of the night. they didn't allow us, the kids, to go along with them, for us to get some rest. it's been a very long day and exhausted is a perfect adjective to describe how my family felt that day. at first my sister and I were against them going too because it's late and they're also tired. but then, something in my mother's way of telling us not to worry about them and have rest instead left a deep impression on me, leaving me and my sister no other choices except to obey it. the loss she felt that I maybe would never know. that night, in the middle of my confusion, sadness, and anxiety of this event, that exhaustion though, put help into me getting some sleep.

the next day I woke up late and found my mother was already home and going through her daily works at home like usual. I approached her expecting heartache seeing her in sadness just like yesterday, but no, no. I was wrong. she looked at me and offered me breakfast, just like usual. I smiled and took it anyway. confusing feelings and thoughts piling up in my mind as I finished my breakfast. wondering uncertainty. but one thing I was certain of what I felt that morning, relieved.

death and loss are still so distinct for me to figure. it pains me to see my mother's loss, but it also leaves me in awe to see how my mother handled that. that's something I could never understand. for both my mother and father had gotten greater loss to lose their respective parents, the fear, worry, and anxiety of facing the same things coming to get me into the corner for a while. but then, the moment I saw my mother smiling back and offering me food for breakfast, those messed up feelings were gone right away. 

don't ask me why.

"the reason death sticks so closely to life isn't biological necessity- it's envy. 

life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it,

a jealous, possessive love that grabs at what it can.

but life leaps over oblivion lightly, 

losing only a thing or two of no importance

and gloom is but the passing shadow of a cloud."

-Martell, Yann. (Life of Pi)

Strange

little randomness inspired from a conversation with friends.

Hi Legal Age

as people age, I always think most of the definitions we hold change as well.

well.. there's no such thing as an absolute definition to begin with. so yeah, it changes through the time. the definitions you held onto so tight last year, could be just a handful of nonsense by now. and yea, now as I age, most of my definitions have changed. trust me, it doesn't change unstably just like that, I have price to pay. so now I guess when making a decision, going thru every consequences is probably the essence of thinking the whole idea of it. definition of consequence is not so simple as I know it. so many value been added and things just got more and more complicated. I'm not liking this new definition, but I definitely can't go change it back either. kinda still get caught back and forth between this whole definition-changing idea.

by this age, I can see changes of definition everyone made through their decisions and perspectives. people at my age, are young adults, who are just now given wider opportunities we used to avoid as a bunch of children. we're not called teenagers or children again by reasons. society expects something from us in return. responsibility. its definition changed from just mere words of 'oops sorry not again' to 'okay I'm the biggest idiot on earth- now I should do hell to pay back- oh my, people hating me- i freaking acknowledge my mistakes and work on it- please shut up- karma, you're an asshle'

.
..
...
...yeah that lame

so being an adult sucks. this getting-caught-back-and-forth on changes of definition soooo irritates me. maybe that's why it takes two for each individual to get through life. that way, all the baggages on your shoulder are shared and it'd be much lighter.

however, that doesn't stop me turning older. and despite the changes-of-definition phase I'm going through, everything has been going better than I had expected. to this day, I always am thankful for the blessing in my life. even though sometimes it hides in the corner of my blind spot, there's always a way to figure it out by the helps of other blessings in my life.. aw. I'm feeling better already.

21, huh? surprise me.

pics from my birthday week:

Silver Lining

so.. I just finished watching one of the Oscar nominees for best motion picture, which is a list I always turn into a reference for must-watch films, and unusually feeling very good after watching it. you know, Oscar Nominees usually tend to be good in a good-artsy-heavy-deep-boring-ugly-truth way, but this film happens to be one of those rare cases to my taste, and I just have to add it to my all time favorite movies list even though I just watched it for the first time.

"every cloud has a silver lining"

that's one of my favorite idiom. you know, kinda the saying that people hold on to wipe the tears and get back on their feet every time things fall down, as 'blessing in disguise', 'carpe diem' and so forth do. I always fond of that positivity those sentences have anyway. that means that in every bad situation there is an element of good. just as fit as a common metaphor for optimism. and a movie with this idiom on the title? been dying to watch it on the big screen.

for the first half of the film I thought "oh, another movie about insane people keeping sane life." but then just like that, I got drawn into the films more and more. started to live through the characters' life, met their perspectives, acknowledged the plot more but still got surprised by the twist, and all of sudden, viola, it ends. like what? that was it but it was like the best movie I've seen in like a year. plot, pictures, acting, dances. don't get me start with Bradley Cooper. I get how Lawrance brought the Oscar home, but what happened to Cooper's insanely brilliant job? he definitely deserves it (with all due respect to the winner)

words in words, that's simply a good film I even have to make a post about it. it's been like years for me to see a good one. they said insane people don't get the happy endings, but the fact is, everyone has the craziness inside them. maybe everyone does really deserve a happy ending? who knows. all we can do is reading the signs. finding a silver lining in every cloud to keep the sanity. Excelsior, which Cooper's character said, it means to take all the negativity and use it as a fuel. to find silver lining.

favorite scene. favorite quote.

To Do List April 2013

• Birthday posts :) never miss a year. this is gonna be my 6th year of birthday post since I first blog back in 2007. whoa.. that's long..
• write daily life post. lots to share! 
• write zillion of thoughts and emotions that's been occupied me these weeks
• study hard since very beginning of post mid-term tests for better final-term test results
• make new friends if possible
• Explore new memorable exciting culinary places nom nom
• go shopping. please. your wardrobe needs its cycle. stop wearing that sweater for days in a row.
• be a better and much developed self. this one is mandatory, not an option.
• give thanks, smile, and do at least one good deed for anyone every single day
• maka a to-do list everyday! done done done.