Amazed

a Letter to God

for all these weeks, everytime it happened I just wondered whether I could make it or not. and I'm still in the positive mind. I think that I could try to work it out later.
but now, when it keeps happening, I start to feel like, God try to show me the way and I'm too ignorant to realize, that.. I.. can't.. ever.. make it. sadly.

so Dear God,
please stop this feeling and give me Your Blessing Hand to raise me upon your shoulder..
strengthen my heart and show me the best way for me.
I always know You have given me the best cue,
and all I need to do is just keep seeking in Your Name,
I surrender to Your Hand, Father, as always....Amen.

Goals and Try Out

looks like I didn't keep my words then another lack of updates here. 'busy' is always be my first reason before 'lazy' hehehe :)

oh ya hari minggu kemarin gue try out inten pertama lho. waw. gue merasa tertampar habis-habisan (sedikit lebay). kemana saja saya selama 2 bulan pertama sekolah ini? dulu saja awal masuk pernah berjanji ke diri sendiri kalo akan berusaha. tapi, apakah saya berusaha sekeras yang saya janjikan? jawabannya, ya tentu. eh tapi.... kurang sih sebenernya. hmmmmm, oke. tidak sama sekali malah.

hasilnya? peringkat yang tidak baik untuk diumbarkan disini.

kecewa? tentu.
tapi sehabis mengetahui hasil try out pertama itu, saya langsung mendapat konseling dari inten. dan kalimat pertama yang gue tangkep, 'apa itu berarti kalian masuk ui kalo peringkat try outnya tinggi?'
oke gue kembali tersenyum.

in baru awal, semua belum berakhir. lebih baik jatuh di awal daripada jatuh di akhir. karena itu perjuangan masih panjang. masih ada waktu untuk mengejar. tidak perlu stres, tapi jangan terlalu santai. ini baru awal, masih ada waktu.

Turning Blue Turquoise

(source)

I changed my layout themes. again for this month. someone once asked me, 'why red?' I answered 'because I am a passionate person as the red it is.' now, after I changed the color, the other asked me again, 'why turquoise?' and I haven't found the answer yet. malah bertanya tanya sendiri, iya yah kenapa jadi biru toska gini? oh ya. mungkin hal-hal ini bisa dijadikan alasan. this blue-turquoise is one of my favorite color. on the other hand, I'm chasing the institute which the color of the jacket is biru toska. else, I'm feeling blue rite now. that's it.

how was your weekend then? mine's bad. I keep getting mood swing and I don't feel like talking to anyone now. rasanya pengen pergi ke suatu tempat yang sepi sendirian terus main kembang api sambil lompat-lompat sama teriak-teriak. tapi takut disangka orang gila, gajadi deh. hhhm this week is a total mess, but the worst thing is, the fact that school starts tomorrow. duh.

anyway, Happy Fasting folks :3
luurf,
V

Memories Are Gently Turned into Dreams

you're awake. then start to think, 'it feels like a dream, which never happen. too contrast ' how easy the other passed it thru all this way, once you remember a vow, telling you a word; never. how sad. you do all effort to go thru the path, while the other makes it so easy to be over. having zero idea about the story line. it's unfair, yes it is. then you cry again for million times
and the other laughs again for thousand times. you're singing silly songs and fall asleep. close your eyes and get back, to the only place you could forget about the line.

tomorrow will be fine,
you promise yourself.

Freaky Friday

I skipped school again today. ya makanya bisa megang internet lagi setelah sekian lama. but I'm not membolos kok, my mom pushed me to. she said if I have no important lesson, just take a day off and rest all day in home. so I did it.

speaking of school, my senior year so far is much better than sophomore or freshmen year. it feels like you can go anywhere without any worry about the scarry senior and so on. people are also nicer after knowing each other for last 2 years. it's imperfectly perfect. why imperfect? yeah because as always, social and science classes are acting like a rival each other in the senior year. as always. how sad.

how about me?
me will hopefully go to Bandung next year. taking a famous public institute there, faculty of engineering or else. my parents's decision exactly. I personally have no decision. truly I have no idea where I want really go. I sooo much envy seeing my friends that have found their lifetime goal. how the passion works on them is really tempting. i want to have passion too. like them. and I need help. immediately.

today was fine. Thank God it's Friday.