Drag & Block

May I ask you something?

how long should I wait again?

Leaving

Adhitia Sofyan - Forget Jakarta
I’m waiting in line to get to where you are//Hope floats up high along the way//I forget Jakarta//All the friendly faces in disguise//This time, I’m closing down this fairytale//And I put all my heart to get to where you are//Maybe it’s time to move away//I forget Jakarta//And all the empty promises will fall//This time, I’m gone to where this journey ends//But if you stay, I will stay//Even though the town’s not what it used to be//And pieces of your life you try to recognize//All went down
I travel the world to get to where you are//Strangers i met along the way//You forget Jakarta//Leaving all the lunacy behind//This time give me back my sanity//Yeah I’m still on my way to get to where you are//Try to let go the things I knew//We’ll forget Jakarta//Promise that we’ll never look behind//Tonight, we’re gone to where this journey ends//And all the pictures that you try to loose//Will follow you behind like ghosts do//And all the lies you try to keep//Have fall behind to catch you even more

at one point, it feels such a relief having a chance to get away from this center of life here. things seem to tire me too much these days. but still, on the other hand, I can't bear more of this super miserably joyless feeling. I'm sad.

Drama

(source)

we'll never know what's wrong and right again when meet the words friends, family, and love. we may think we do the right things but then everything turns out to be a total mess. just like what I did lately.

Me is kinda a person who avoid and not a big fan of conflict. I preferably choose my beloved people's happiness instead of mine. in teenage-drama-queen-words, I don't mind being the hurt one. and........ that's the problem. bottom line. I'm so naive. like totally. I think I know I'll make things better but the fact is I never really know the consequence I'll really get when choosing the wrong choice.

now everything is such a total mess, all I can do is nothing. I'm in the spectator seats. gazing a drama that I'll never understand why it should be like that way. then I arrived at one point that bring me a conclusion, as I said in 1st sentence, meeting the word friend, family, and love could blind you. we'll never know what's wrong and right anymore. but unfortunately, one choice is just gonna bring us to another choice. and more choices. it happens to bring me so many question mark.

Dear God, am I on the right path?

In a Doubt? Just Do That.

''But if you never try you'll never know,
Just what you're worth''

Fix You - Coldplay

Gratefulness

God's really really been good to me.

no, no. I'm not those people who seems really perfect with excess wealth, very good looking, high socialist, and even a genuine genius brain. but obviously without those things I'm now on feeling quite terrifically good and enjoyable with my own life. and mostly, superb grateful.

wonder why?
well, as the other senior year students in the world, we're supposed to prepare for the test to continue studying in college. the only disadvantage is here, my school, we're all forced to prepare everything quickly and instantly. in less than a year. oh even I could say less than 6 months. yep. like total. from 3 years in high school, our total learning time at school is just a half. so, for those students who wants to get into best public university we have to struggle very hard to chase our lateness during freshmen year and sophomore. and yeah. such a hard work. I struggled every single day for 6 months.

an Indonesian proverb, 'tiada gading yang tak retak' ---pretty close means 'no ivory that is not crack'---- explains my condition. I'm sick. I got an illness which sounds not really dangerous but did really ruin my struggling days. that's it. the big point. the bottom line. my big weakness. my sickness.
I kept making absences at school and often in my course, Inten. I missed so many classes and also important lesson. I couldn't stay at Inten to study until late like my friends did to pursue the lesson. I often fell sick when I was in class. eventually, I failed try outs. feeling like a total dumbass with a big mouth kept promising my mom ITB or UI. I despair seeing my other friends understood about the lesson and making good try out score......................................... I fell down.

however, long story short, I finally stood up. keeping my head held high. it was like I felt I want nobody feel dissapointed. and yeah, my advise, don't you hesitate the power of a prayer. it truly works. now, here I am! feeling super duper thankful for what God has given to me. it's unpredictably paid off. my struggling, misery, suffer.

you have no idea how it does really feel.. surprisingly amazed. grateful.

Amazed

Doing The Right Things Takes Courage and Strength

it also needs wide acceptance, long term patience, and sincerely smile.

thus, it totally hurts so you could feel like dying.

So Please,

Woman in Pain

this probably sounds too ridiculous and cheesy. but hell yeah. doesn't everyone else ever feel the same?

namanya juga masalah hati. yah sulitlah. kadang ada saja perasaan yang berlebihan dimana seharusnya tidak ada, atau malah sebaliknya. seharusnya ada perasaan malah tidak ada sama sekali. tidak adil. sering sekali terbesit di benak saya, mengapa harus seperti itu? apa tujuannya? apa benar rasa sakitnya itu sendiri adalah sebuah pelajaran?

saya tidak seharusnya merasakan ini, dan sudah sewajarnya merasakan hal yang lain, tapi for God sake, who the hell on earth can control their own feelings? else, bukan itu yang jadi bottom line dari tulisan kacau ini. ini bukan tentang saya. bukan tentang dia. tapi tentang sebuah alasan.

saya terkadang suka berpikir, --ya, saya memang seorang pemikir sejati sampai terkadang saya sendiri takut dengan apa yang saya pikirkan--, untuk apa rasa sakit itu diciptakan. tujuan dibalik semua drama kehidupan. kenapa harus ada kiasan 'orang ketiga' atau cinta 'segitiga'? bukankah cinta itu terdiri dari dua suku kata yang melambangkan hanya dua orang yang mampu menjalaninya bersama? lalu untuk apa ada si 'ketiga' atau pun orang lain yang terlibat bila pada akhirnya hanya akan ada dua yang sanggup bertahan sehingga menyisakan sakit bagi orang-orang yang terbuang? kenapa tidak seperti ini saja, ide saya, dua orang yang diciptakan untuk hidup bersama selamanya sebagai partner dalam suka dan duka, juga saling mengisi kehidupan, bertemu dari awal, sudah ditentukan, tanpa perlu ada keterkaitan dengan orang lain. bukankah dengan begitu semuanya akan berjalan lebih mudah?

terlalu banyak kata kenapa dalam tulisan berantakan saya ini. terlalu banyak tanda tanya di kepala saya. ingin rasanya saya menanyakan langsung pada Yang Di Atas, tapi lantas saya teringat sebuah kalimat simple yang menyamankan hati,
semua akan indah pada waktunya, karena everything happens for a reason.

ya sudahlah, saya hanya bisa ikhlas. I've found out that time heals almost everything.
dan tentu, saya tidak akan pernah berhenti mencoba menjalani hidup lebih baik.
just sit, and watch me shine.

Sometimes When I say 'I'm okay', I just..

..want someone to look at my eyes and say, 'no, I know you're not.'

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour

Sit with a pretty girl for an hour and it seems like a minute

That's relativity.

-Albert Einstein

Named him Tyos. Don't ask why

Recent News

I..

• passed the national exam and my total grade is 49 which is under my target. (dissapointed, highest: 60) but still feeling grateful..
  
• am leaving high school and gonna have graduation on May 25th
• got accepted in ITB which is my dream-comes-true college ever
• am getting a bridging program in ITB, starting on June and feeling so damn excited about that. thrilled and frightened at the same time.
• have a very long holiday until then, feeling such an unemployment and getting bored all the time
• feel like total unproductive, and keep wasting time all day long
• NEED A VACATION
  

Changes

I've been starring at this blank page for 2 hours. no kidding. it feels like too many things come up in my mind but nothing I could write here. it got me confused.

well, 4 months hiatus writing here. can't hide the changes that appear in me since then. people change, so do I. especially my perspective, way too different. being struggling student lately brought me into something I never learned before in my life. many things, I even couldn't explain. it just changed me, it turned me up into someone different.

now on, I just keep focus in my life. being thankful for everything I got, and enjoy every second I have. my priority goes to my family, future, and friends. and I hope, I could go through everything well and everything goes fine.

High School Rules

ever wish high school would be as pleased and fun as 'High school Musical'? or even as full of drama as 'Gossip Girl'? keep on dreaming. not even close.

I once ever read in a writer's twitter page about high school. you know him, I'm sure. he wrote that twitter nowadays becoming more highschool. wondering what he meant about 'highschool'?
backstabbing. bullying. and grouping. couldn't agree more.

• backstabbing your friend with your other friend, while you yourself is being back-stabbed too. wearing a mask and still pretend to act kindly to your backstabbing friend.
• bullying the innocent juniors because of their existence, in fact you're just jealous and you were bullied too when you were still a junior.
• grouping with some friends, and think that your group is the coolest thing ever happened while the other group think exactly the same thing.

undeniable.
I know even you, the most talented and charming student in the school, ever done such a thing like that. in this case, I can't deny 'me' is included. passively and actively.

on the other hand, we can't fully and directly just blame on the people who do those stuff. because like a mirror, you see yourself when you get angry at those people. thus, I keep thinking that this fact is so dramatically part of our life life. this school thingy is a path we have to pass to get the maturity.

besides, there's a lot of things that so-called-high-school in a good way. hanging out after school time, dating hot guys/girls that you've been dreaming of but then.., breaking-ups, meeting new boys/girls, school's event, even party with your friends? so many more. but I know the most important thing you should remember is, the Laugh-out-louds. the friends.
it makes the phrase 'high school never ends' definitely true.

learning from this part of life, that high school is the transition time which puts you into the maturity from the childishness. when we were child, world is so beautiful and everyone is our friend. now from high school we can take the conclusion that life ain't a fairytale and most of people are enemies instead of friends. who knows? someday when we're already grown up, we'll laugh the stupid things we've done. and we'll become mature.

now what? I can't stop letting my self to write this. I apologize that I ever back-stabbed you, friends. or even wearing a mask in front of you. this apology is for the past, present, and maybe the future. people can't ever guarantee things rite? but I think I never bullied my junior. you can keep my words for this. kind of a nice senior? count me in. and about the grouping things? well it's a social issue. whole school is overall a group indeed. can we say we're a very big group here?

and, my highschool era is just 4 months left. let's see what could happen in 4 months.
so, stay highschool guys.
X