26.7.10
Farewell v2.0
I hate goodbyes and never ever good at it.
oh well, who doesn't?
oh well, who doesn't?
alone at bedroom, I packed my stuff accompanied by ipod. humming and still felt nothing but thrilled about moving in to Bandung. I just realized that there were so many things in my bedroom. felt like my stuffs suddenly multiplied it self as I sorted and packed it one by one. maybe emptying my bedroom would take a lifetime.
my little discovery journey at my own bedroom ended up finding memorable stuff since I was in elementary school. how funny it was, reading on my own doodles and felt weird with my own self in the past. I just found out that I often fell in love, had broken heart, made friend, had a fight with best friends, and other typical teenager dramas. I gave in, I gave up, I moved on, I forgot, back to I gave in again. pretty much circle of love life. then, with no idea why I decided to do that, I put all the memorable doodles and papers in one box, started to tear it apart one by one, and dumped it just like that. yeah, after all these years I saved those things in the corner, I dumped it all. just. like. that.
and what did I feel? relief.
until suddenly the shuffle ipod played 'Leaving on a Jet plane', I was frozen and frostbitten sitting in the middle of the bedroom. the feeling of leaving people and things came up and filled up my mind. not try to exaggerate things, but it was really hard for me to bare the joyless and tears to came up again. things would never be the same again. not in junior high, or high school anymore. Leaving me with million memories, bad ones and good ones, lovable ones and memorable ones, everything was blended and it turned me into a crying baby.
friends, family, lovable people, even people who hates me,
See you again in future. have a great life up there. I am definitely gonna miss everything, everyone, every seconds.
this is not a farewell, so please
say See You instead of a good bye
say See You instead of a good bye
20.7.10
Faculty of Industrial Technology 2010
God is good all the time. that's what I'm talking about, dudes! :D
19.6.10
Greetings From Bandung
I'm fine! thank you! (in case you're wondering news from me :p)
hi. I finally got a chance to write here, aka finally get the good internet connection. Living in Bandung doesn't give you a proper internet connection unless you use wifi slash internet cable and definitely NOT a portable modem.
just so you know, for a month later I'm still living in a super nice and sweet dormitory which just has some minus things such as, no TV, no internet connection, and no operator signal (even for blackberry) yeaaah I'm hungry of information and news!! gimme some!!
as soon as arriving home, first thing that came up in my mind is to open my laptop and turn on the internet. just like exactly I am doing now.
Bridging program was totally going fine.
first thing I learn here as a new-outside-town-comer-as-a-student-college is that
adaptation takes time, and after a real soon everything is just gonna turn out to be as normal as before.
at first, new environment, different weather, new life schedule, different habit, new college, different people, new lesson, different teacher, they all just push me down and kill me slowly...but sure. I so damn miss my family, friend, and home. and, oftenly cried after getting a call from my mom. (gee, how embarrassing) all I wanted to do was going back to home and finish this stuff as soon as possibly I could.
Now? haha I don't even want to come back home if I shouldn't do the laundry. my new friends rocks, my campus is cool, and Bandung rules! believe me, I've been in love with this town since ever. the street, the weather, the food, the public places, even the street musicians. I don't mind taking public transportation to anywhere here, and especially, I don't mind taking a walk to anywhere. the weather is just always lovely. how about taking a walk on the street in the mid-day in Jakarta? never mind.
unfortunately my lecture schedule is pretty crowded. I get class every Monday till Friday from 8am until 5pm. and the lesson I've to catch up is also pretty much. 8 modules in every lesson. just for a month. it ain't easy anymore. the lesson, quiz, tests, presentations, and assignments. my college requires a very hard work from the students. and, it is really, really, really, hard.
but I wont complain anymore, this is the risk I've taken since the day I decided that I want to go to this college. I'll just go keep fighting everything I have to face and keep going on. wont give up on it. however hard the struggling and the risk, I hope I can do my best to chase that either Information of Technology or Industrial Engineering.
I'll live my dream.
hi. I finally got a chance to write here, aka finally get the good internet connection. Living in Bandung doesn't give you a proper internet connection unless you use wifi slash internet cable and definitely NOT a portable modem.
just so you know, for a month later I'm still living in a super nice and sweet dormitory which just has some minus things such as, no TV, no internet connection, and no operator signal (even for blackberry) yeaaah I'm hungry of information and news!! gimme some!!
as soon as arriving home, first thing that came up in my mind is to open my laptop and turn on the internet. just like exactly I am doing now.
Bridging program was totally going fine.
first thing I learn here as a new-outside-town-comer-as-a-student-college is that
adaptation takes time, and after a real soon everything is just gonna turn out to be as normal as before.
at first, new environment, different weather, new life schedule, different habit, new college, different people, new lesson, different teacher, they all just push me down and kill me slowly...but sure. I so damn miss my family, friend, and home. and, oftenly cried after getting a call from my mom. (gee, how embarrassing) all I wanted to do was going back to home and finish this stuff as soon as possibly I could.
Now? haha I don't even want to come back home if I shouldn't do the laundry. my new friends rocks, my campus is cool, and Bandung rules! believe me, I've been in love with this town since ever. the street, the weather, the food, the public places, even the street musicians. I don't mind taking public transportation to anywhere here, and especially, I don't mind taking a walk to anywhere. the weather is just always lovely. how about taking a walk on the street in the mid-day in Jakarta? never mind.
unfortunately my lecture schedule is pretty crowded. I get class every Monday till Friday from 8am until 5pm. and the lesson I've to catch up is also pretty much. 8 modules in every lesson. just for a month. it ain't easy anymore. the lesson, quiz, tests, presentations, and assignments. my college requires a very hard work from the students. and, it is really, really, really, hard.
but I wont complain anymore, this is the risk I've taken since the day I decided that I want to go to this college. I'll just go keep fighting everything I have to face and keep going on. wont give up on it. however hard the struggling and the risk, I hope I can do my best to chase that either Information of Technology or Industrial Engineering.
I'll live my dream.
2.6.10
Leaving
Adhitia Sofyan - Forget Jakarta
I’m waiting in line to get to where you are//Hope floats up high along the way//I forget Jakarta//All the friendly faces in disguise//This time, I’m closing down this fairytale//And I put all my heart to get to where you are//Maybe it’s time to move away//I forget Jakarta//And all the empty promises will fall//This time, I’m gone to where this journey ends//But if you stay, I will stay//Even though the town’s not what it used to be//And pieces of your life you try to recognize//All went down
I travel the world to get to where you are//Strangers i met along the way//You forget Jakarta//Leaving all the lunacy behind//This time give me back my sanity//Yeah I’m still on my way to get to where you are//Try to let go the things I knew//We’ll forget Jakarta//Promise that we’ll never look behind//Tonight, we’re gone to where this journey ends//And all the pictures that you try to loose//Will follow you behind like ghosts do//And all the lies you try to keep//Have fall behind to catch you even more
I’m waiting in line to get to where you are//Hope floats up high along the way//I forget Jakarta//All the friendly faces in disguise//This time, I’m closing down this fairytale//And I put all my heart to get to where you are//Maybe it’s time to move away//I forget Jakarta//And all the empty promises will fall//This time, I’m gone to where this journey ends//But if you stay, I will stay//Even though the town’s not what it used to be//And pieces of your life you try to recognize//All went down
I travel the world to get to where you are//Strangers i met along the way//You forget Jakarta//Leaving all the lunacy behind//This time give me back my sanity//Yeah I’m still on my way to get to where you are//Try to let go the things I knew//We’ll forget Jakarta//Promise that we’ll never look behind//Tonight, we’re gone to where this journey ends//And all the pictures that you try to loose//Will follow you behind like ghosts do//And all the lies you try to keep//Have fall behind to catch you even more
at one point, it feels such a relief having a chance to get away from this center of life here. things seem to tire me too much these days. but still, on the other hand, I can't bear more of this super miserably joyless feeling. I'm sad.
Drama
we'll never know what's wrong and right again when meet the words friends, family, and love. we may think we do the right things but then everything turns out to be a total mess. just like what I did lately.
Me is kinda a person who avoid and not a big fan of conflict. I preferably choose my beloved people's happiness instead of mine. in teenage-drama-queen-words, I don't mind being the hurt one. and........ that's the problem. bottom line. I'm so naive. like totally. I think I know I'll make things better but the fact is I never really know the consequence I'll really get when choosing the wrong choice.
now everything is such a total mess, all I can do is nothing. I'm in the spectator seats. gazing a drama that I'll never understand why it should be like that way. then I arrived at one point that bring me a conclusion, as I said in 1st sentence, meeting the word friend, family, and love could blind you. we'll never know what's wrong and right anymore. but unfortunately, one choice is just gonna bring us to another choice. and more choices. it happens to bring me so many question mark.
Dear God, am I on the right path?
9.5.10
In a Doubt? Just Do That.
''But if you never try you'll never know,
Just what you're worth''
Just what you're worth''
Fix You - Coldplay
Gratefulness
God's really really been good to me.
no, no. I'm not those people who seems really perfect with excess wealth, very good looking, high socialist, and even a genuine genius brain. but obviously without those things I'm now on feeling quite terrifically good and enjoyable with my own life. and mostly, superb grateful.
wonder why?
well, as the other senior year students in the world, we're supposed to prepare for the test to continue studying in college. the only disadvantage is here, my school, we're all forced to prepare everything quickly and instantly. in less than a year. oh even I could say less than 6 months. yep. like total. from 3 years in high school, our total learning time at school is just a half. so, for those students who wants to get into best public university we have to struggle very hard to chase our lateness during freshmen year and sophomore. and yeah. such a hard work. I struggled every single day for 6 months.
an Indonesian proverb, 'tiada gading yang tak retak' ---pretty close means 'no ivory that is not crack'---- explains my condition. I'm sick. I got an illness which sounds not really dangerous but did really ruin my struggling days. that's it. the big point. the bottom line. my big weakness. my sickness.
I kept making absences at school and often in my course, Inten. I missed so many classes and also important lesson. I couldn't stay at Inten to study until late like my friends did to pursue the lesson. I often fell sick when I was in class. eventually, I failed try outs. feeling like a total dumbass with a big mouth kept promising my mom ITB or UI. I despair seeing my other friends understood about the lesson and making good try out score......................................... I fell down.
however, long story short, I finally stood up. keeping my head held high. it was like I felt I want nobody feel dissapointed. and yeah, my advise, don't you hesitate the power of a prayer. it truly works. now, here I am! feeling super duper thankful for what God has given to me. it's unpredictably paid off. my struggling, misery, suffer.
you have no idea how it does really feel.. surprisingly amazed. grateful.
8.5.10
6.5.10
Doing The Right Things Takes Courage and Strength
it also needs wide acceptance, long term patience, and sincerely smile.
thus, it totally hurts so you could feel like dying.
5.5.10
Woman in Pain
this probably sounds too ridiculous and cheesy. but hell yeah. doesn't everyone else ever feel the same?
namanya juga masalah hati. yah sulitlah. kadang ada saja perasaan yang berlebihan dimana seharusnya tidak ada, atau malah sebaliknya. seharusnya ada perasaan malah tidak ada sama sekali. tidak adil. sering sekali terbesit di benak saya, mengapa harus seperti itu? apa tujuannya? apa benar rasa sakitnya itu sendiri adalah sebuah pelajaran?
saya tidak seharusnya merasakan ini, dan sudah sewajarnya merasakan hal yang lain, tapi for God sake, who the hell on earth can control their own feelings? else, bukan itu yang jadi bottom line dari tulisan kacau ini. ini bukan tentang saya. bukan tentang dia. tapi tentang sebuah alasan.
saya terkadang suka berpikir, --ya, saya memang seorang pemikir sejati sampai terkadang saya sendiri takut dengan apa yang saya pikirkan--, untuk apa rasa sakit itu diciptakan. tujuan dibalik semua drama kehidupan. kenapa harus ada kiasan 'orang ketiga' atau cinta 'segitiga'? bukankah cinta itu terdiri dari dua suku kata yang melambangkan hanya dua orang yang mampu menjalaninya bersama? lalu untuk apa ada si 'ketiga' atau pun orang lain yang terlibat bila pada akhirnya hanya akan ada dua yang sanggup bertahan sehingga menyisakan sakit bagi orang-orang yang terbuang? kenapa tidak seperti ini saja, ide saya, dua orang yang diciptakan untuk hidup bersama selamanya sebagai partner dalam suka dan duka, juga saling mengisi kehidupan, bertemu dari awal, sudah ditentukan, tanpa perlu ada keterkaitan dengan orang lain. bukankah dengan begitu semuanya akan berjalan lebih mudah?
terlalu banyak kata kenapa dalam tulisan berantakan saya ini. terlalu banyak tanda tanya di kepala saya. ingin rasanya saya menanyakan langsung pada Yang Di Atas, tapi lantas saya teringat sebuah kalimat simple yang menyamankan hati,
semua akan indah pada waktunya, karena everything happens for a reason.
ya sudahlah, saya hanya bisa ikhlas. I've found out that time heals almost everything.
dan tentu, saya tidak akan pernah berhenti mencoba menjalani hidup lebih baik.
just sit, and watch me shine.
namanya juga masalah hati. yah sulitlah. kadang ada saja perasaan yang berlebihan dimana seharusnya tidak ada, atau malah sebaliknya. seharusnya ada perasaan malah tidak ada sama sekali. tidak adil. sering sekali terbesit di benak saya, mengapa harus seperti itu? apa tujuannya? apa benar rasa sakitnya itu sendiri adalah sebuah pelajaran?
saya tidak seharusnya merasakan ini, dan sudah sewajarnya merasakan hal yang lain, tapi for God sake, who the hell on earth can control their own feelings? else, bukan itu yang jadi bottom line dari tulisan kacau ini. ini bukan tentang saya. bukan tentang dia. tapi tentang sebuah alasan.
saya terkadang suka berpikir, --ya, saya memang seorang pemikir sejati sampai terkadang saya sendiri takut dengan apa yang saya pikirkan--, untuk apa rasa sakit itu diciptakan. tujuan dibalik semua drama kehidupan. kenapa harus ada kiasan 'orang ketiga' atau cinta 'segitiga'? bukankah cinta itu terdiri dari dua suku kata yang melambangkan hanya dua orang yang mampu menjalaninya bersama? lalu untuk apa ada si 'ketiga' atau pun orang lain yang terlibat bila pada akhirnya hanya akan ada dua yang sanggup bertahan sehingga menyisakan sakit bagi orang-orang yang terbuang? kenapa tidak seperti ini saja, ide saya, dua orang yang diciptakan untuk hidup bersama selamanya sebagai partner dalam suka dan duka, juga saling mengisi kehidupan, bertemu dari awal, sudah ditentukan, tanpa perlu ada keterkaitan dengan orang lain. bukankah dengan begitu semuanya akan berjalan lebih mudah?
terlalu banyak kata kenapa dalam tulisan berantakan saya ini. terlalu banyak tanda tanya di kepala saya. ingin rasanya saya menanyakan langsung pada Yang Di Atas, tapi lantas saya teringat sebuah kalimat simple yang menyamankan hati,
semua akan indah pada waktunya, karena everything happens for a reason.
ya sudahlah, saya hanya bisa ikhlas. I've found out that time heals almost everything.
dan tentu, saya tidak akan pernah berhenti mencoba menjalani hidup lebih baik.
just sit, and watch me shine.
3.5.10
Sometimes When I say 'I'm okay', I just..
..want someone to look at my eyes and say, 'no, I know you're not.'
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