Named him Tyos. Don't ask why

Recent News

I..

• passed the national exam and my total grade is 49 which is under my target. (dissapointed, highest: 60) but still feeling grateful..
  
• am leaving high school and gonna have graduation on May 25th
• got accepted in ITB which is my dream-comes-true college ever
• am getting a bridging program in ITB, starting on June and feeling so damn excited about that. thrilled and frightened at the same time.
• have a very long holiday until then, feeling such an unemployment and getting bored all the time
• feel like total unproductive, and keep wasting time all day long
• NEED A VACATION
  

Changes

I've been starring at this blank page for 2 hours. no kidding. it feels like too many things come up in my mind but nothing I could write here. it got me confused.

well, 4 months hiatus writing here. can't hide the changes that appear in me since then. people change, so do I. especially my perspective, way too different. being struggling student lately brought me into something I never learned before in my life. many things, I even couldn't explain. it just changed me, it turned me up into someone different.

now on, I just keep focus in my life. being thankful for everything I got, and enjoy every second I have. my priority goes to my family, future, and friends. and I hope, I could go through everything well and everything goes fine.

High School Rules

ever wish high school would be as pleased and fun as 'High school Musical'? or even as full of drama as 'Gossip Girl'? keep on dreaming. not even close.

I once ever read in a writer's twitter page about high school. you know him, I'm sure. he wrote that twitter nowadays becoming more highschool. wondering what he meant about 'highschool'?
backstabbing. bullying. and grouping. couldn't agree more.

• backstabbing your friend with your other friend, while you yourself is being back-stabbed too. wearing a mask and still pretend to act kindly to your backstabbing friend.
• bullying the innocent juniors because of their existence, in fact you're just jealous and you were bullied too when you were still a junior.
• grouping with some friends, and think that your group is the coolest thing ever happened while the other group think exactly the same thing.

undeniable.
I know even you, the most talented and charming student in the school, ever done such a thing like that. in this case, I can't deny 'me' is included. passively and actively.

on the other hand, we can't fully and directly just blame on the people who do those stuff. because like a mirror, you see yourself when you get angry at those people. thus, I keep thinking that this fact is so dramatically part of our life life. this school thingy is a path we have to pass to get the maturity.

besides, there's a lot of things that so-called-high-school in a good way. hanging out after school time, dating hot guys/girls that you've been dreaming of but then.., breaking-ups, meeting new boys/girls, school's event, even party with your friends? so many more. but I know the most important thing you should remember is, the Laugh-out-louds. the friends.
it makes the phrase 'high school never ends' definitely true.

learning from this part of life, that high school is the transition time which puts you into the maturity from the childishness. when we were child, world is so beautiful and everyone is our friend. now from high school we can take the conclusion that life ain't a fairytale and most of people are enemies instead of friends. who knows? someday when we're already grown up, we'll laugh the stupid things we've done. and we'll become mature.

now what? I can't stop letting my self to write this. I apologize that I ever back-stabbed you, friends. or even wearing a mask in front of you. this apology is for the past, present, and maybe the future. people can't ever guarantee things rite? but I think I never bullied my junior. you can keep my words for this. kind of a nice senior? count me in. and about the grouping things? well it's a social issue. whole school is overall a group indeed. can we say we're a very big group here?

and, my highschool era is just 4 months left. let's see what could happen in 4 months.
so, stay highschool guys.
X

What I've been passionately reading lately..

..recommended. EPIC.

waddap world?

what has happened to me these couple of weeks is a total mess.
let's begin a brand new spirit of life! (cheering up)

a Letter to God

for all these weeks, everytime it happened I just wondered whether I could make it or not. and I'm still in the positive mind. I think that I could try to work it out later.
but now, when it keeps happening, I start to feel like, God try to show me the way and I'm too ignorant to realize, that.. I.. can't.. ever.. make it. sadly.

so Dear God,
please stop this feeling and give me Your Blessing Hand to raise me upon your shoulder..
strengthen my heart and show me the best way for me.
I always know You have given me the best cue,
and all I need to do is just keep seeking in Your Name,
I surrender to Your Hand, Father, as always....Amen.

Silent Scream

when you try your best but you don't succeed

I took a deep breath. but my world was falling. this headache attacked too sudden that I cant stand of. I got a sudden pain and felt so breathless. thus, my eyes kept capturing view all around me. people smiled, people laughed. it seemed everything was too easy to everyone and I was the only one loser. they smiled, they laughed. they deserved it all. they were not dumb. even if they were dumb, I was the dumber. I smiled, I laughed. a loser should make a fake smile to survive the world.my pride was still too high that I tried to stand on my dignity. maybe I looked fine. bcs I wont let people figure out that, I failed, and I failed. and I failed whereas everybody else could make it.
nobody could see me falling inside. nobody could see a sinking ship in me nobody could see..............
but I just can't endure everything and keep smiling. I'm not a wonder woman. I need to hit something, hit something so hard until could make that something feel the same pain as I had I need to jump, jump so high that I could see the whole world, get higher sight than everybody else could see. I need to cry, cry so hard until my tears all gone and I couldn't feel any pain again. I need to scream, scream so loud so that I could throw all my deep sadness that I've been keeping inside these days. scream and asking why

and Coldplay told me to fix me instead of fix you

When you try your best but you don't succeed

in this corner, I finally gave up of standing. losing my pride and my dignity. I down to earth, and realized all my fault, and I surrender to everything,

Lights will guide you home//and ignite your bones//and I will try to fix you

this is the roller coaster of my life. and this is the part of my life I called 'falling'. but I'm sure at the other time, someday, I will heave a part that I called, 'raising'.
raise and fall.

Late Holiday Souvenirs

visit my deviant art or click --> viviannettes

Hi

I'm back,
feel so sorry about being less productive around here. and I just figured out about my unimportant-so-short updates recently.
blame my lovely SCHOOL.

xxx,

Sudden Getaways

dad just told me that we are going to vacation tomorrow morning until Tuesday. so sad to leave Jakarta, but excited enough to have a getaway from this daily routines.
so see ya on Wednesday! :3

Raining Fireworks

today is so lame, pardon my rudeness here
but, this evening was not as bad as this afternoon.

I got a very bad mood this afternoon and I was stuck at home which made it worse.
I need to go. I talked to my self. someone should take me outta here. and I called Erd, and he picked me up in the next half hour. (so fast..)
Erd needed to eat so we went to mcd and I ate ice cream to lift up my mood. Ice cream is truly the girl's best friend ever. firstly I still acted so badly to him because of my mood and without any clear reason I was so upset with him too. my bad, erd. so sorry. and he still treated me sooooo perfectly well even I was so rude to him. isnt he a good boyfriend for me?

this evening was takbiran night and tomorrow is Idul Fitri for Moslems. so the streets and roads in Jakarta tonight was so extremely uncrowded, and there are soooooomany fireworks sparkled in the sky, in spite of the raining and the cold weather.

I really love this combination.
Uncrowded Jakarta, raining, evening, cold weather, fireworks on the sky, and my lover whom I hug so tight until I couldnt feel my hands again.

it makes my day, really.
thank you love ♥

Upset

Since too many unwanted person watch me on twitter, I think i'd write my emotion here.
Now on I'm so upset. Everybody seems very happy to make me mad. Even the people who should know me better. Yes, it's you man. And you too young lady. If I cant take more control of my emotion, maybe this post would be fulfilled by dirty words. And of course I can.

Semua salah, dan gue selalu salah. Gue yang pecundang, atau emang dunia yang mempencundangi gue?
sekarang, kalau lagi down kaya gini, gue mesti lari ke siapa?

Seriously I'm not in the good mood for everybody. And I post it from mobile phone.

Sat, Sept 19th 2.30 pm

after 4 days ++

welcome holidaaaaaay!

see ya guys I gotta go
spending time with my guys
and outta these daily stuff I used to touch
happy holiday, happy lebaran
meet you sooner,
xx

Goals and Try Out

looks like I didn't keep my words then another lack of updates here. 'busy' is always be my first reason before 'lazy' hehehe :)

oh ya hari minggu kemarin gue try out inten pertama lho. waw. gue merasa tertampar habis-habisan (sedikit lebay). kemana saja saya selama 2 bulan pertama sekolah ini? dulu saja awal masuk pernah berjanji ke diri sendiri kalo akan berusaha. tapi, apakah saya berusaha sekeras yang saya janjikan? jawabannya, ya tentu. eh tapi.... kurang sih sebenernya. hmmmmm, oke. tidak sama sekali malah.

hasilnya? peringkat yang tidak baik untuk diumbarkan disini.

kecewa? tentu.
tapi sehabis mengetahui hasil try out pertama itu, saya langsung mendapat konseling dari inten. dan kalimat pertama yang gue tangkep, 'apa itu berarti kalian masuk ui kalo peringkat try outnya tinggi?'
oke gue kembali tersenyum.

in baru awal, semua belum berakhir. lebih baik jatuh di awal daripada jatuh di akhir. karena itu perjuangan masih panjang. masih ada waktu untuk mengejar. tidak perlu stres, tapi jangan terlalu santai. ini baru awal, masih ada waktu.